


Silver Lining

by ADbLOCK



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Heaven & Hell, Hope, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Introspection, Mild Smut, Near Death Experiences, Post-Season/Series 04, Spirits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-02-08 09:41:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21473929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADbLOCK/pseuds/ADbLOCK
Summary: Chloe knows she shouldn't ask the question. Especially when she perfectly knows and understands why he actually did it in the first place. If she were in his shoes, she would have done the same thing for the people she cared about.But, fuck, she just misses him, and there's so many things she wished she had done with him and done for him. So she asks."Can you bring me to hell?"OR"You are the most beautiful creature that have walked the Earth, the Hell, and the Heavens."ORMy version of "Chloe goes to hell". Also a version of the show's ending.
Relationships: Chloe Decker & Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 20
Kudos: 169





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be honest I have no idea what this is. It's like a fix-it and character study at the same time. I'm still struggling to find a clear picture of Chloe's mind but I tried my best. All I can say is that this is going to hurt but I hope it gets better.
> 
> I feel like the show's ending is very hard to get right. Personally, I have a couple of strong opinions on it. And this is one of them. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also ratings are subject to change as I upload.

Azrael jumps from behind the table as soon as Ella enters the lab. "Surprise!"

Her friend (her _friend!_) lets out a yelp which turns into a squeal of delight, and something blooms in the angel's chest. Or ghost's chest. After all, she was supposed to be a ghost.

"Ray-Ray!"

She can see that the lab technician is going for a hug, but her arms falls back at her sides. She feels the twinge of disappointment because she has always wondered what hugs feel like. They say that it's best when they're given by your favorite people like Ella.

Ella who is currently going over the evidences for their new case. Ella who wears a smile that Azrael notices reaches her eyes but does not burst with her soul like it usually does. Ella who glances repeatedly at the door as if waiting for someone to come in. Ella who is bouncing with energy but her shoulders are slumped ever so slightly that it would be easy to fool everyone. Not Azrael, the Angel, rather the Ghost of Death, her friend.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Ella whips her head to look at her with wide eyes. 

"M-me?," she stammers. "Of course, I'm fine. I'm very good."

Ella loads a slide to the microscope and moves to hide behind the instrument. She's avoiding the question, Azrael knows, and she's isn't going to allow that by standing across her and giving her a look that screams I-don't-buy-what-you're-saying. It takes a little longer than usual before Ella peaks gingerly. A few seconds stretch between them before Ella surrenders and straightens. 

"Okay, I'm not entirely okay," she lets out a sigh. "There's this weird guy, our civilian consultant who is also a method actor who plays the Devil."

If Azrael perks up like a cat, Ella doesn't notice. Not when she's staring into the wall with sadness in her eyes.

"A really good method actor too. He's so weird that sometimes I actually believed he was the Devil. I mean, crazy, right? But he's actually really cool. He brings me sweet treats and tells me he just passed by a coffee shop to get his own drink when he never gets anything for himself. He listens to me ramble about forensic science stuff as if he understood a word I said. He's really good at solving crimes too. The department's been on a roll since he helped."

Ella's words hit her square in the chest. The thing is Azrael understands. She knows how bad Lucifer is with emotions. Her time with human souls, although usually brief, has shown her how emotionally incompetent almost all angels are, but Lucifer is one of the worse ones. Even as Samael, he was never good with mixing emotions and words -- always offending most of their siblings with sharp and insensitive words that make him sound proud. He had always been a man of action. She remembers how he would actually spend time with her and to actually listen to her. Just like he listened to Ella. She knows how warm and loving Lucifer can be in his own weird idiotic way even though he would never admit how much of a softie he was inside.

Ella sighs. "Everything was going well, you know? Then he just left. Whoosh! Gone like the wind. He didn't even say goodbye or leave a text or anything. I know things happen to people. I mean, remember the time I was planning to go back to Detroit? It's not like I actually planned to go back. It just happened. Maybe things happened to him, but it just hurts. He's my friend, our friend, and he just left without anything."

When she said that the normal Ella would smile with her whole being, apparently that also applied to the sadness that weighed her friend. Azrael wants to take it all away. She wants to say that Lucifer is home, that he is right where he belongs, and that he is perfectly fine. Except that he really isn't. Hell isn't his home, even that is evident to Azrael. Even though she knows that Lucifer deserved punishment for the rebellion, she think that he doesn't deserve an eternity in Hell just for that -- or maybe he does because of Father's plan which He always has.

And of course, he isn't fine. Not when he left people like Ella behind. Not when he left...

"Ella, did you-," Chloe says as she breezes into room with what Azrael likes to call her detective face that quickly melts away into concern. "Uh, is it a bad time? I can come back later."

"No!," Ella semi-shouts in true Ella fashion when she's trying to hide something. She really is a bad liar. It's kinda amusing. "I mean, it's alright. Not that it's a bad time. Everything's fine, yep!"

"Uh-huh," Chloe replies with a tilt of her head that tells Azreal she doesn't buy it either.

Now everything would have been fine. They would continue with the case, and Azrael would gladly tag along even if that meant hours of simply standing there and watching them work. In fact, she likes it because at least she gets to be with Ella, she gets to pretend for a short while that she doesn't have a long list of souls to escort to wherever they will go. 

Except nothing is fine.

Because Chloe Jane Decker is staring straight at her. Her bright blue eyes sends a cold shiver down her spine. Not because of what she sees in her eyes but because of what this all means. 

There's a question in her curious eyes silently asking who she was. And she feels it. The smell of death lingers so lightly in the air almost as if it isn't there, but it hits her so hard because this shouldn't be happening. She can't possibly-

Before she could finish that thought and before Chloe could speak, Azrael wills her powers to flow and allow herself to disappear into thin air. 


	2. Earth: Part 1

A folder is slapped on her table, the sound pulling her out of her thoughts. Chloe jumps slightly, feeling sheepish that her mind is wandering around and about.

"New case for you, detective."

Just another day at work, she guesses. She barely remembers the drive to the crime scene. All she knows is that in one moment she's starting her car and the next, she's asking Ella for the details. The victim died from a clean shot in the head at point blank range. No prints or any other clues were found. The handiwork makes it clear to Chloe that the suspect is not new to killing. She works to uncover the victim's background and learns about their shady business by the docks. Unfortunately, it evolves into a stakeout mission, and she suddenly remembers that she also hates her work.

Because sitting in her car, surrounded by nothing but silence, opens the floodgates of her heart.

Because this almost feels like going through the divorce all over again.

Almost.

It's different because, with the divorce, they saw it coming months before they started talking. She and Dan also knew they both tried to do whatever they can to save their marriage for them and for their baby girl. At first, Chloe actually thought they had another chance. In the end, she realized Dan was right. It simply wasn't going to work. The divorce was a mutual agreement.

This?

She had no control over this. She isn't sure when the fear of him leaving sat in her mind. It was most probably that time she went to Lux, feeling somewhat giddy like a teenager experiencing her first love, but finds white sheets over his things. Yet he came back. Even when he does something as crazy as marrying some woman he picked up, he came back. He always came back, so she pushed the fear in the back of her mind.

That fear only surfaced and stayed once she heard the whole prophecy. Something heavy sat in her stomach. It tells her and it screams at her that this was it. He was going to leave her with nothing but pieces of her own shattered heart, and he was never coming back. But her damned heart refused to believe that. It told her that he would never leave because this was his home, he told her so. He still needed to run Lux. What would happen to LA if it lost one of its best nightclubs? What about all his favors? He still needed to help her solve cases, to steal whatever new treat Dan left in the fridge, to play along with Ella's antics and jokes. He still needed to play board games and watch movies with Trixie. He still needed to annoy her with his inappropriate puns, to continuously frustrate her with his perfect face and perfect body in that perfect suit, and to smile and look at her with that softness that makes her heart sing and makes her want to believe that one day they can have it all.

Then it hit her. The depth of her feelings for him. She never realized how hard and how deep she had fallen for him. She had fallen for the fallen angel. Oh, the irony. Suddenly, everything fell into place. His devilishness didn't feel so devilish. The devil inside him started to be simply a part of him, part of Lucifer, part of the man she loves. 

Still, it was too late because exactly after two days all Hell break loose. Quite literally. Demons rose to the surface and roamed the Earth to drag their king back to the throne. They didn't stop until Lucifer stopped them.

The literal Devil --no, not the Devil -- _Lucifer _saved them all. She should feel proud of what he had done, but she couldn't, not entirely. He was gone, and Chloe was afraid that it means a new chapter in her life, one she realizes that she isn't ready to face without him. 

But it was done. Lucifer is in Hell, and she is here on Earth.

So she does what she does best. Cope with her grief by working herself to the bone.

That's another thing that made this different from her divorce. Dan and her rarely worked together on a case. Usually cases do not need two detectives, and if it did, it was usually pushed to a higher division. Lucifer, on the other hand, was everywhere. The seat in front of her desk reminds her of his grumbling and complaints about bloody paperwork. The vending machine seems a little sad to her because it lost one of its best customers. Even Ella's cross pendant reminds her of him -- the Devil! 

Don't get her started on how her heart break a little more every time she expects a sexually-charged pun or a mini-rant on how confusing humans can be, and all she hears is the buzz of the crime scene. Every time she tries to filter her words to keep his quips to a minimum, and she realizes she doesn't have to do that anymore. Every time she hits a dead end and reaches for her phone to find his number, and she sees his quirky face in her contacts that she misses so much. Every time she turns around expecting to see his devilish grin, and she realizes that she's alone.

That she feels lonely even with the people around her. 

She doesn't know how many times she had to stop herself from crying in just an hour of waiting in her car. All she knows is that a big part of her hopes that something would happen that would end this stakeout immediately.

It's half past 3 in the morning when she spies movement from the warehouse. It jostles her to pull her sit straighter, sending her mind into hyper focus. She sends a message for backup to standby. A car pulls up around the corner. Chloe managed to get a good look at the plate number, confirming that it's one of the suspects. The man enters the warehouse, seemingly unaware of the detective on watch.

Not long after, a gunshot rings from the warehouse. Immediately, Chloe pulls out her phone to send a text for backup before she gets out of the car. Slowly, she makes her way to the door. It's dark inside, and Chloe has to squint to make out the stacks of boxes across the area. There's a flight of stairs at the other end that leads to a door with light spilling from its seams. She pauses at a corner, waiting for any sound or movement around her while her eyes adjust to the darkness.

Nothing.

So she pushes onward until she reaches the foot of the stairs. Just before she takes the first step, the boxes behind her fall to the ground. When she turns around, there's a man holding something above his head. _Duck_, her mind screams, but it's too late. Pain blossoms around her head and she slips into the darkness.

* * *

The next time she opens her eyes, she sees the warm light illuminating the ceiling. It takes a few seconds before the memories start rushing back. Her eyes widen as she scrambles to sit up. As she pushes herself to sit, pain blossoms from the side of her head. the movement making her head spin a little. Bile rises to her throat, making her gag. Her vision blurs around the edges and her hand shots up as a reflex to touch the source of pain. No blood? Then she sees the tubes inserted under her skin and hears the beeping of the heart machine.

If she's in the hospital, what happened to the case? Did the backup arrive on time before the suspects escaped?

Pain stabs through the side of her chest as breathes in deeply. She slowly breathes out, trying to ease the pain of breathing. When the throbbing finally subsides, she opens her eyes and reaches for her phone sitting on the bedside table, but she sees a form under the shadows. She freezes.

Chloe never really got a good look at her when she saw her last time. She standing at the foot of her bed. Her bowl cut frames her round face in a way that adds innocence to her image. Her big round eyes are looking back at her with a mix of kindness and fear.

It would have been easy to think that she's just an ordinary girl, but the more she studies her, the more she realizes that she may not just be any other girl. Gone are the black-rimmed glasses and cute T-shirt. The purple cloak she’s wearing drapes over her body like the shadows curling around her. The golden fish brooch twinkles on her chest as she shifts further into the shadows. As if she’s trying to make herself disappear even though she already saw her. 

Chloe’s eyes trace over her figure until she sees two figures protruding from her back. Realization dawns on her. Wings. That primal fear that surfaces at the first sign of divinity wraps her heart in its cold and dark grasp. The hairs on the back of her neck stands, and her hands grow clammy beneath the sheets. Her instinct shouts at her. It tells her to run. It tells her to stay back.

Then everything shifts around her. The white hospital walls blur into white columns. The warm light of the lamp warps into the bright rays of the sun right over them. The girl - no, the angel turns into another one. Another beautiful angel with dark brown hair styled to perfection and brown eyes twinkling with warmth. 

She stops and takes a deep breath.

Calm down. Breathe.

When she opens her eyes, the angel is still there, but she's come out of the shadows. Enough to see the sadness in her gaze. She immediately looks away and steps back into the shadows when their eyes meet as if she's afraid. Afraid of what? Her? How can she be afraid of her when she is an angel and Chloe is just a mere mortal?

She's an angel.

_I have many siblings, Detective._

The memory opens to a door of questions. Did something happen? Is she here because of Lucifer? Is he alright in Hell? Is he in trouble because of what happened with the demons or with Pierce -- no, Cain?

But if he was really in trouble, why would she be here? She should be with the other angels. With Amenadiel, perhaps. So why was she standing in front of a mortal woman with fear and sadness in her eyes? Hundreds of questions pop up in her mind, but they all come down to one.

"Who are you?," her voice cracks with her dry throat. 

The angel remains hidden in the shadows. She barely sees the shift on her round face. A furrow forms between her brows as she frowns at herself. Her mouth moves but the room remains silent with only the constant beeping of the machines. She seems to be waging an internal war, her shifting from one side to another and her fingers tapping mindlessly. 

Until she stopped. Chloe holds her breath as the angel lifts her head, resolve building in her eyes. 

"Azrael."

The name sounds familiar to her. If she is one of Lucifer's siblings, then she must have learned her name during her visit to Rome. She digs under memories long buried in her mind. Realization dawns upon her, and she finds herself regret ever asking.

"The Angel of Death."

Azrael nods grimly, her face darkening. Another realization hits her. There are stories that speak of an entity that appears to those who are near their deathbed. They are mostly harmless, simply waiting for the right moment to arrive -- the moment when they leave the Earth. In a few of those stories, it was Azrael. Something cold starts from her heart, heavy and dark. It grows and flows throughout her body, leaving her feeling unpleasant. Cold sweat breaks out from her pale skin.

"Am I-," she gasps, unable to utter the words yet her minds screams them.

_Am I going to die?   
_

To her surprise, the angel shakes her head. She points to somewhere behind her. "Fortunately, you're not. Unfortunately, you're not exactly alive either."

Her hearts beats out of her chest as she slowly turns around, bracing herself for what was to come. What she finds confuses her. It's her, rather her body covered in bruises and cuts, with tubes inserted all over. Panic rises in her chest at the surreality of the scene. She's looking at her own body. Her body! For a moment, she forgets that angels and demons, Heaven and Hell, God and the Devil exists. At the same time, it's that exact thought that pulls her back to her apparent reality.

She's in coma.

* * *

Chloe isn't sure what happened after. But now the stars are shining bright outside her window, so she's sure that time has passed right over her head. She might have fainted at the recent revelations of her state, but can souls even faint?

"Not really. You just like spaced out."

The woman, no, the angel is standing by her side with a nonchalant raise of her shoulders as if this was normal. But wait...

"Did you just read my mind?"

She hums in contemplation. The few moments that have passed makes Chloe anxious. Does that mean she heard every single thought she had during their conversation?

"Nah, you just said that out loud."

Chloe feels a slight annoyance towards the angel for teasing her. She must have done something because Azrael is wearing a sheepish look when Chloe lifts her head to let out a retort.

"Sorry. I probably shouldn't messing with you right now, huh?"

She nods. This must be something normal for her, but all of this is crazy for Chloe. Okay, maybe this isn't as crazy as discovering that Lucifer is the actual Devil. Nonetheless, it's still different because this time it's not someone else. It's not something about Lucifer or other celestials. It's about her.

The question now is what does she do?

"Anything. Well, not anything, but you can do whatever you want to," she says. Then she tilts her head, offering a suggestion. "Some people travel to other countries."

"How does that work?" Chloe gives it a thought before she turns back to the angel. "Can I teleport?"

"You get on an airplane."

She must have looked so disappointed because Azrael lets out a small chuckle. "Teleportation requires great imagination. Most of the time, people choose a place they haven't been to, so it's hard to imagine what the place actually looks like for teleportation to work."

Chloe doesn't think she wants to travel anyway. "Does this happen all the time to patients in coma?"

Azrael shakes her head. "Some souls stay dormant, and some come out for a walk like you."

As if urging her to ask, the image of Ella and Azrael in the forensics lab pops in her head. Ella never really said anything about Azrael, but there was no way that Chloe wouldn't notice that she stepped just in front of the angel and gave off all signs that she was hiding something. Clearly, there was something going on. "Do you know Ella?"

"Uhm, no."

The stammer tells Chloe otherwise. She gives her a look that she uses for interrogating suspects.

"Okay, geez, Ella is right. That thing you do with your eyes is very effective," she grimaced. Chloe decides that she is going to have a word with Ella about this if, no, _when _she comes back.

"Well, I'm not sure if it's my story to tell, but something happened. I was supposed to take her soul." She pauses with a cautious look in her eyes which Chloe appreciates because her chest tightens at the thought of her dear friend with cold dead eyes. "But you know Ella. She's bright, sunny, positive, and she just makes you feel so good. I didn't want to leave her."

Yep, that sounds just like Ella. Chloe was never the outgoing type, even during her teenage years, but she still knew how to have fun. After all, she is the daughter of her mother, and the world knows that Penelope Decker can never be boring. She didn't have many close friends when she joined the LAPD, but she was still on good relations with everybody that they invited her to drinks after work from time to time. All of that changed after Palmetto happened, and suddenly work was simply work -- no small talks, no laughs, just work.

Then Ella came. Even though the Palmetto case seemed ages ago, it's impossible that the new forensic scientist never heard of what happened. Yet she greeted her with one of those bright and honest smiles. She opened her arms, and it felt like she was the one welcoming Chloe, not the other way around. Suddenly, she just found a really good friend. A sister that she never had and that she always wanted.

"So you just follow her around since then?"

"Yes. Not always though. I drop by once in a while. I think of it as my vacation from my deadly job. Ha, deadly," she snickers. "Do you know how many humans die within a minute? Thousands!"

Oh, right. She almost forgot that Azrael is the Angel of Death. First, she's not just some girl. She is an angel, a celestial being, a true child of God. Second, she must be very busy. Chloe suddenly feels guilty for keeping her here and for asking questions that must sound stupid for her.

"Am I keeping you here?," Chloe asks with a guilty look. "Sorry."

"Oh, no, no. I don't mind," Azrael's eyes widens, bringing her hands in front of her. Then she continues. "I've met you before, you just didn't know."

Chloe tilts her head in question.

"Ella introduced you to me during one of my visits. I think you're a good person. Seeing that Ella cares for you so much." Then she looks at her with a sad smile. "Lucifer too."

Her heart clenches at the mention of his name. The image of soft smiles and kind eyes flashes in her head. Tears prickle her eyes, but she holds them. "Is he- Have you seen him?"

"Yes."

"H-how is he?"

"Fine," she says. Then a grimace forms on her face. "I mean, he really isn't fine. It's clear that he doesn't want to be back in Hell, but I think he's handling it well. For now." She adds the last two words with a distant look on her face.

"Lucifer has changed. He's more.... human." The last word hangs in the air. Chloe isn't sure if it's supposed to be a compliment or an insult. "His smiles are brighter. His laughs are louder and more carefree. There's a softness that reminds me of the old Lucifer, of Samael. But he also cries a lot more. His temper more explosive. His thoughts and feelings more uncontrollable. More human."

Chloe can't help herself but fight back at the tone of her voice. "Is that such a bad thing?"

Her eyes widen for a fraction. "No! I still miss my old brother, but I think I like this new him too."

She sends her a smile that seems like she's keeping a secret. Chloe doesn't fully understand, but her words and her smile send relief down her heart.

"The thing is he is not with humans down there," she continues, her face starting to look grim. "He's with demons. As their king, they all bow down to him, but they also expect something out of him. They want the Devil, not the fallen angel. The Devil made out of rage and vengeance."

Chloe's voice trembles a little. "What's going to happen to him?"

"I don't know, Chloe, but I can tell you if, no, _when_ he comes back, he won't be the same."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest you won't get much Deckerstar action out of this story, but I promise you'll get some soon. I hope Chloe doesn't feel OOC, at least not too much.


	3. Earth: Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all have a Happy New Year! I can't believe it's already 2020, and I still can't believe we're approaching the last season of Lucifer *cries*

Chloe isn't sure what happened after. But now the stars are shining bright outside her window, so she's sure that time has passed right over her head. She might have fainted at the recent revelations of her state, but can souls even faint?

"Not really. You just like spaced out."

The woman, no -- the angel is standing by her side with a nonchalant raise of her shoulders as if this was normal. But wait...

"Did you just read my mind?"

She hums in contemplation. The few moments that have passed makes Chloe anxious. Does that mean she heard every single thought she had during their conversation?

"Nah, you just said that out loud."

Chloe feels a slight annoyance towards the angel for teasing her. She must have done something to express that thought because Azrael is wearing a sheepish look when Chloe lifts her head to let out a retort.

"Sorry. I probably shouldn't messing with you right now, huh?"

This must be something normal for her, but all of this is crazy for Chloe. Okay, maybe this isn't as crazy as discovering that Lucifer is the actual Devil. Nonetheless, it's still different because this time it's not someone else. It's not something about Lucifer or other celestials. It's about her.

The question now is what does she do?

"Anything. Well, not anything, but you can do whatever you want to," she says. Then she tilts her head, offering a suggestion. "Some people travel to other countries."

"How does that work?" Chloe gives it a thought before she turns back to the angel. "Can I teleport?"

"You get on an airplane."

She must have looked so disappointed because Azrael lets out a small chuckle. "Teleportation requires great imagination. Most of the time, people choose a place they haven't been to, so it's hard to imagine what the place actually looks like for teleportation to work."

Chloe doesn't think she wants to travel anyway. "Does this happen all the time to patients in coma?"

Azrael shakes her head. "Some souls stay dormant, and some come out for a walk like you."

As if urging her to ask, the image of Ella and Azrael in the forensics lab pops in her head. Ella never really said anything about Azrael, but there was no way that Chloe wouldn't notice that she stepped just in front of the angel and gave off all signs that she was hiding something. Clearly, there was something going on. "Do you know Ella?"

"Uh, no."

The stammer tells Chloe otherwise. She gives her a look that she uses for interrogating suspects.

"Okay, jeez, Ella is right. That thing you do with your eyes is very effective," she grimaced. Chloe decides that she is going to have a word with Ella about this if, no, _when _she comes back.

"Well, I'm not sure if it's my story to tell, but something happened. I was supposed to take her soul." She pauses with a cautious look in her eyes which Chloe appreciates because her chest tightens at the thought of her dear friend with cold dead eyes. "But you know Ella. She's bright, sunny, positive, and she just makes you feel so good. I didn't want to leave her."

Yep, that sounds just like Ella. 

After Palmetto happened, work suddenly became a chore. Then Ella came. Even though the Palmetto case seemed ages ago, it's impossible that the new forensic scientist never heard of what happened, yet she greeted her with one of those bright and honest smiles. She opened her arms, and it felt like she was the one welcoming Chloe, not the other way around. Suddenly, she just found a really good friend. A sister that she never had and that she always wanted.

"So you just follow her around since then?"

"Yes. Not always though. I drop by once in a while. I think of it as my vacation from my deadly job. Ha, deadly," she snickers. "Do you know how many humans die within a minute? Thousands!"

Oh, right. She almost forgot that Azrael is the Angel of Death. First, she's not just some girl. She is an angel, a celestial being, a true child of God. Second, she must be very busy. Chloe suddenly feels guilty for keeping her here and for asking questions that must sound stupid for her.

"Am I keeping you here?," Chloe asks with a guilty look. "Sorry."

"Oh, no, no. I don't mind," Azrael's eyes widens, bringing her hands in front of her. Then she continues. "I've met you before, you just didn't know."

Chloe tilts her head in question.

"Ella introduced you to me during one of my visits. I think you're a good person. Seeing that Ella cares for you so much." Then she looks at her with a sad smile. "So does Lucifer."

Her heart clenches at the mention of his name. The image of soft smiles and kind eyes flashes in her head. Tears prickle her eyes, but she holds them. "Is he- Have you been there?"

"Yes."

"H-how is he?"

"Fine," she says. Then a grimace forms on her face. "I mean, he really isn't fine. It's clear that he doesn't want to be back in Hell, but I think he's handling it well. For now." She adds the last two words with a distant look on her face.

"Lucifer has changed. He's more.... human." The last word hangs in the air. Chloe isn't sure if it's supposed to be a compliment or an insult. "His smiles are brighter. His laughs are louder and more carefree. There's a softness that reminds me of the old Lucifer, of Samael. But he also cries a lot more. His temper more explosive. His thoughts and feelings more uncontrollable. More human."

Chloe can't help herself but fight back at the tone of her voice. "Is that such a bad thing?"

Her eyes widen for a fraction. "No! I still miss my old brother, but I think I like this new him too."

She sends her a smile that seems like she's keeping a secret. Chloe doesn't fully understand, but her words and her smile send relief down her heart.

"The thing is he is not with humans down there," she continues, her face starting to look grim. "He's with demons. As their king, they all bow down to him, but they also expect something out of him. They want the Devil, not the fallen angel. The Devil made out of rage and vengeance."

Chloe's voice trembles a little. "What's going to happen to him?"

"I don't know, Chloe, but I can tell you if, _when_ he comes back, he won't be the same."

* * *

Her wandering mind could have brought her anywhere. It could have brought her home, but it would have reminded her of Trixie. It could have brought her somewhere she doesn't know. Anywhere. But, instead, it brought her back to_ him_

Sometimes she just missed him so much, she wanted nothing more but to surround herself with things that reminded her of him. She would steal one of his drinks and one of his shirts, and she would cry and drink then wrap his sheets around her. She would imagine that it was his arms and that his pillow was his chest. Sometimes it hurts to remember him, but sometimes it makes her feel safe. Just like he did.

There's so many memories floating everywhere like speckles of dust that burst into flashes of memories.

Good memories. Their first date and other not-so-date dates. Her birthday party with Linda and Dan. His birthday gift for her. Their bittersweet last date.

Bad memories. The white sheets covering every single furniture. The revelation of her thoughts about him being the Devil. Their _last_ kiss.

Good and bad.

Lucifer was right about her. She wanted to see only one side of him, the angel side of him, because that was the easiest part to accept. She tried to put him inside a box, to define him, to manipulate him, just so she could bring out the angel within him. But that isn't what he is. He is good and bad, an Angel and the Devil, an Archangel and a Fallen Angel. He is loud, insensitive, impulsive, provocative. He involves himself in shady businesses, smokes, drinks, and gets high. He brings donuts for everyone in the precint, makes her a cup of coffee every morning, plays with _her sticky little urchin of a daughter_.

Finally, she understood that she wasn't in love with him despite of that. She loved him because those are part of what makes Lucifer Morningstar, the obnoxious yet charming nightclub owner - slash - LAPD civilian consultant that somehow wormed his annoyingly sweet self into her heart.

Azrael's words echo in her head.

_When he comes back, he won't be the same_

Will he still remember her and everyone else?

And arguably, the most important question of all: Will he still love her?

She doesn't want him to change. She wants to be with him and to change together for better or for worse. She lets out a huff for being so pathetic because here she was wanting to get him back when she was the one who pushed him away and almost drove an ax through his heart literally and figuratively.

"Heya."

Azrael lands in front of her. Her wings disappear before Chloe can get a good look at them making her feel disappointed. Still, she is grateful for the distraction.

"How did you find me?"

"It's also my job to keep an eye on wandering souls, y'know."

Job. The Angel of Death bring souls to go through the Divine Judgement...

An idea pops into her head. An idea so absurd that she wants to brush it away but she can't because it fills her with excitement at the same time. Her heart pounds loudly as she entertains the idea.Her mind is racing with thoughts as she struggles to calm herself down.

Chloe knows she shouldn't ask the question. Especially when she perfectly knows and understands why he actually did it in the first place. If she were in his shoes, she would have done the same thing for the people she cared about.

But, fuck, she just misses him, and there's so many things she wished she had done with him and done for him. So she asks.

"Can you bring me to hell?"

Chloe can see the internal battle raging inside her, so she waits patiently. Then she lifts her eyes to stare at her with a mixture of fear and wonder.

"Yes, but please don't ask me to do that."

"How?"

"Please don't. Lu will kill me!"

"Azrael, you told me that he isn't fine. He hated being in Hell, and he's been there since... forever! I just-" She breathes in a deep sigh, heart pounding in her chest and shivers rolling down her spine. "He's there because of me, because I didn't have enough faith in him."

She scoffs. Who would have knew that she would have faith in the Devil?

"I pushed him away, I hurt him, I betrayed him," she sobs, a tear rolling down her cheeks. "If this is the last time that we will ever have together, I don't want him to remember me as the person who pushed an ax through his chest and betrayed him. I want him to remember me as his partner and his friend and...."

_Something more._

Chloe can see Azrael's resolve crumbling as her eyes filled with sadness.

The angel shuffles to the closer until she is right in front of her. She pins her down with a stare, and a small part of her started to fear what she's going to hear. "There's only one way you can enter Hell, through the gates, and it only opens to those who are consumed by their guilt and filled with regret."

"There's a reason Hell is a place no one wants to be, even Lucifer. When the gates open, they lead you to your Hell loop where you get to relive your guilt over and over again. You get to leave whenever you want, but you won't ever leave because guilt keeps you a prisoner. And if you can't get out, Chloe, you won't be able to come back here. You'd die."

The last two words hang heavily in the air. She feels silly and stupid for thinking that it's going to be easy. Of course, it won't be simple. This is literally a matter of life and death.

"Is there any other way I can come back?"

"Someone has to pull you out of the loop."

It's a selfish request, Chloe knows, but she can't help not asking. "Will you help me?"

"I swear Lu is going to kill me," she says, more to herself than to Chloe. The angel shifts from side to side, anxiety and discomfort evident on her face. "You should be asking if I _can _help you."

"Can you?"

"Hell expands with each soul that enters its gate. Getting you out is not a problem, finding you is. There's no way for me to look for you unless we spend centuries down there. Hell isn't my domain."

"It's Lucifer's." 

Azrael nods. Excitement and hope courses through her veins. She can go to Hell and see him. Then Lucifer can help her get back to Earth. It could work. 

She feels a hand on her arm, pulling her out of her racing thoughts. "Chloe, I know it seems easy, but you have to remember there are no guarantees that you can come back."

"You can tell him. You can ask him to look for me."

She shakes her head with fear in her eyes. "I can't. Lucifer blocked the gates of Hell to all celestials and demons after some time. There is no way I can reach him. If you go through the gates, you're on your own."

* * *

Chloe admits it's getting a lot easier to handle all of this as she sits idly on the bench by her hospital bed watching nurses and doctors come and go. It's been like that the whole day until Dan arrives and he's not alone. Trixie. There's that wrinkle between her brows that tells Chloe she's trying hard not to cry as her tiny hands hold onto hers. Oh, her monkey tried so hard to be strong and not to cry.

"If you can hear me, Mom, please wake up! I-I don't want to lose you too."

When she saw the tear rolling down her cheek, Chloe reached out to her daughter, but her hand went right through. She does it again and again, clawing at her daughter, hoping to feel her, screaming in frustration. She screams so hard to tell her that mommy is fine and that she should stop crying. But there's nothing she can do, and she feels so much guilt and anger at her helpless self. Then Dan pulls her to his chest, burying his head in their daughter's messy dark hair and softly whispering things to her.

When they pull away, Chloe can see that her tear-stricken face became stoic. Her glazed eyes look far away into the void as she gives single word answers to Dan's questions. They've always stopped Trixie from staying a night at the hospital because it's hard to see someone you love on that bed. But Trixie begs so hard to stay until Dan caves. 

Night approaches quickly. Some time during the night, Dan and Trixie went to bed. It was clear to Chloe that her baby girl isn't getting any good sleep. Her eyebrows were scrunched as a few shaky breaths left her mouth. Chloe lies beside her baby girl with her soul arms wrapped around her, hoping she can take the pain away from her. Then Trixie shots up from the small cot, chest heaving and eyes wide open in fear. She sits on the bed, legs dangling on the side. She laces her fingers with Chloe's and pulls their joined hands to her lap. A tingle runs up Chloe's hand and arm, and there's nothing Chloe can do but sit beside her baby girl, silently hoping that she can stop those tears. 

"I dreamed about Lucifer, Mom," she says with a shaky voice. "Everything was dark and ashy. He was sitting on a throne, and he looked sad. If you can't come back..."

Chloe's heart shatters into a million pieces as a sob claws its way out of her throat. She wants to scream, _No, monkey! Mommy wants to come back so bad. Please don't say that!_

"Maybe you can visit him? He looks like he could use a friend."

After a while, Trixie lets out a huge yawn, tiny hands rubbing her eyes. She leans closer and places a kiss on her cheek. The same kiss that sparks something in her. She feels angry at herself for letting everyone down.

Her mind grows hazy as she stops the emotions brewing inside her. She feels useless like a failure. Trixie was crying and suffering. Dan still had a long way of recovering from Charlotte. And Lucifer was stuck in Hell.

All of these was because of her. 

Now she feels the same tug in her chest when she took the vial. Even though she didn't fully believe that the man she came to know as her partner and best friend was actually the most evil creature in the universe, she still took the bottle of poison. She still accepted his invitation for a date and almost used the poison against him. She still betrayed him because she didn't try hard enough to just believe in Lucifer.

When Trixie finally fell asleep, she had made her decision because she doesn't want to make the same mistake of holding back. If she was going to do it, she wants to dive in head first.

_I'm coming, Lucifer._


	4. Hell: Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I suffered a massive writer's block then the pandemic came along which really messed with my creative juices. I wouldn't say they're back but season 5a happened (CAN YOU BELIEVE DECKERSTAR FINALLY BONED AND TOGETHER? UGH!). To be honest, I was hesitant with finishing this story because this is supposed to be post s4, but then I realized the story extends past s5.
> 
> I apologize in advance if my writing style changed a bit because it's been a while. I still hope you enjoy it!

It feels like any other day. Except it's really not because today is her date with Lucifer.

Her heart should be heavy with anticipation. The thought of being on a date with Devil should shivers down her spine at the magnitude of his identity. He's literally a fallen angel, a son of God, a powerful being, and he's asking her out on something as human and simple as a date.

Yet she realizes soon that the heaviness in her heart was due to something else. Something in the form of a small vial of poison, so powerful it was enough to send the Devil back to Hell.

Ever since she saw him stop that truck with his bare hands, heard him roar like a beast, felt his hot red gaze, she couldn't stop herself from shivering with fear. He is the Devil, the embodiment of all evil. He was cast out of heaven and ruled over the den of damned souls.

And he is standing there smiling widely and talking animatedly with Ella. For a moment, Chloe tries to deny that Lucifer is the Devil. The thought of Lucifer being the Devil seems ridiculous because the Devil shouldn't be like this. Like a man-child who laughs at anything related to sex like a ten year old. Like a good friend who cares for his colleagues and friends even though he doesn't want to admit it. Like an amazing partner who brings out the best in her and supports her in many ways.

Then he's showing her something that makes Ella squeal, the sound reaching Chloe even with the glass walls between them. She sees her holding up a red dress.

Red just like his glowing eyes during that night.

Suddenly, telling him that he should cancel whatever big gesture he probably had planned seems easy. She immediately regrets it when she sees his eyes dim behind the reassuring smile on his face and when Ella casts a sad sidelong look at Lucifer.

The vial almost burns in her pocket, and it continues to burn until she's riding the elevator to his penthouse

Lucifer lets her in with a flourish. She approaches the simple yet elegant table he has for them. When she finally settles in, he starts moving around with shifty eyes and nervous smiles. There's a nervous energy that she has never seen on Lucifer.

And it hurts because, while he is nervous for the night ahead of them, she is equally nervous for an entirely different reason.

He made grilled cheese just the way she likes. He brought out her favorite red wine to enjoy. There's candles and rose petals around the throw pillows on the floor. Everything is so sweet and romantic that it makes her heart pound.

Then Lucifer starts talking about the 90's playlist he made. When he stands up, her hand automatically touches the round surface of the vial. When he turns around and walks into his room, her shaky hands brings the vial close to his glass. All she has to do is tilt the vial, and it will be done. The Devil will be sent back to Hell, and evil will not be released.

All will be well. Will it?

She stops herself from moving any further because it can't be right. She can't just betray Lucifer like that. But a drop escapes from the vial and plops quietly into his glass.

_A drop is all it takes. I added more to ensure the ritual proceeds as quickly as possible, but let me tell you, a drop is all it takes._

Her whole body burns with pride that she has completed her task. Followed by horror at what she has done to her partner, her friend, her love. Everything fades into the background as Lucifer emerges from his room, sits down, and proposes a toast. She watches as he slowly brings the glass to his lips and sets the glass down on the table

Chloe can see a smile starting to form on his lips. For a moment, she believes that nothing would happen, and they would get to enjoy their night together. _Maybe Father Kinley was wrong, maybe it won't be enough_, she thinks. Maybe he won't feel a thing. He would simply give her that sweet smile of his as he suggest they dig in. He would bring out their dessert in the form of ice cream in fancy glassware.

But his smile fades into a frown as he looks down at his glass. Then he looks at her -- and oh, his eyes. Gone are the warm brown eyes that crinkled with joy a few second ago. Now all she sees is red eyes looking at the small dark vial in her hand.

His eyes snap to hers. Shivers runs down her spine and she swears she can feel the heat of Hell burning in her guilt-ridden heart.

"It's true. It's all true."

His words hit her hard, causing the tears to spill from her eyes. The same words she uttered when she saw his Devil face. When she told herself that the monster in front of her was not her partner. This time the same words were uttered to her because at this moment, she was the monster.

"Lucifer, I-"

She expects rage. He would shout at her for betraying him, for hurting him, for manipulating him, and he would walk away with tears shining in his eyes. Nothing ever prepared her for this.

The Lucifer she knew have always looked at her with warmth. So much that it feels like looking at the sun. He shines so bright that sometimes she just wants to crawl into his warmth and bask in his light because above all else, he is Lucifer the Lightbringer.

This? All she sees is cold and utter disappointment.

His gaze so cold and empty, shivers ran down her spine. Then she realizes that Hell did not burn. No, her Hell was so cold and lonely because she had brought down the sun. Her sun.

"I thought you were different, Detective," he sneers. "I thought you wanted me for who I was. I guess I was wrong. You're like the rest of them, condemning me for things I have not done- No, you're even worse. You, Chloe Jane Decker, used me. You manipulated me from the very beginning, haven't you?"

He scoffs. "You wanted to send me to Hell? Well, congratulations, Detective! You'll never get to see this horrendous face ever again. "

He turned and was gone, leaving her words that will forever haunt her before the deafening silence filled the penthouse.

"You might as well have killed me."

Even in his absence, she feels suffocated by everything Lucifer. His suit lay on the cold floor, reminding her that he was gone because of her. The romantic candles reminded her that she chose to poison him even though he prepared all of these sweet things for her. His words echoed repeatedly in her ear, each word sending a knife to her chest.

He left because of her. No. She _killed _him.

All their memories flashed in her mind. She remembers his sweet soft smiles, his twinkling warm eyes, his voice when he called her _Detective_. And because of her, all of those are gone. Lucifer is gone because she pushed him away and off the cliff of Earth, back into Hell -- back to his own punishment. She did that to him.

The thought plunges her into the cold waters of guilt. The tears fall and fall until Chloe Decker, all spent and hurting, is sprawled on the floor of Lucifer's penthouse. 

Then there was darkness. The next she knows is that she's back in her bed.

And it feels like any other day. Except it's really not because today is her date with Lucifer.

* * *

Hell is, well, hell.

There's no other words that can describe this horrendous place humans called his kingdom. Dark skies loom over, casting a cold shadow over Hell. Ash falls everywhere that some would have thought it was snow if it didn't burn your chest and ruin your clothes. Pillars of hell stone rose above the ground in different heights. Each and every stone tower held a human soul prisoner doomed to eternal torment.

Demons roamed the grounds. Some helped humans build their guilt on top of another, while others simply enjoy introducing new sorts of torture. Once he returned, all demons bowed at his feet, but Lucifer could feel the urge of rebellion stirring in their empty little brains. At that exact moment, he called for the trial of Dromos and those that disobeyed his command. There is no doubt that the little monsters wouldn't be trying their hand at human possession for quite a while.

After squashing a few rebellions here and there, Lucifer is left with nothing but his throne -- a single spire of hell stone that rose high above all others and a stark reminded that he is the King of Hell. On some days, it proved useful. He could oversee the kingdom easily, spotting demons that lazed around and fought with each other. He could keep himself from the dull little creatures who knew nothing but torture.

While on some days, it left him lonely. It reminded him of what he had lost and the people he had left behind. Ms. Lopez is probably still as bubbly as ever. Daniel must feel a little better without him in the precinct. Lucifer certainly hopes so because even the Devil knows that he still bear the scars left by dear Charlotte's death. The good Dr. Linda and Amenadiel are definitely not sleeping with the sticky little child. Poor Maze must be annoyed to death, causing her to run to the spawn whose hands aren't that sticky anymore in his opinion, but don't tell her that lest she starts hugging him. Well, she certainly wouldn't know, now that he was stuck here alone.

Alone. Without the Detective.

He feels a stab to his chest, the pain radiating across his chest. It hurts thinking about her, but the Devil is a little masochist, after all. And he sees her. Her golden blonde hair. Her plump soft lips pulled into a soft smile. Her ocean blue eyes twinkling. Her adorable laughter and snorts ringing in his ears.

As if Hell finally caught him thinking about happy thoughts, the image fades into the darkness. Into tears rolling down her cheeks as she looked at him with sad eyes. Into sobs leaving her lips as she begged him. Into a bittersweet goodbye that started with something so good and ended with something that broke his heart.

Suddenly, he feels a large disturbance in one area. It seems like a big group of demons have gathered together, and Lucifer doesn't like that. He shot up the sky with his wings stretched preparing himself for a bit of a brawl. It's the exact thing he needed -- a good distraction.

He expects to see demons with blades and armor ready to launch into a rebellion, but he finds none. Instead, they're crowding around one of the doors. Demons, the simple-minded creatures that they were, enjoy torturing human souls. It isn't new that they would enjoy watching a particularly "good" torture. In the past, he would have ignored them and let them enjoy to their fullest desire. But after what happened with Dromos, he forbade meeting in large groups such as this.

With a flick of his wings, a strong gust of ash and wind sent fear to the demons. They trembled in fear, bowing to their feet in an act of surrender.

"Go!," he bellows.

Once they have finished scattering away like ants, he drops down, causing ash to rise from the ground. He grumbled at the thought of changing his clothes when he just did a few moments ago.

Then he feels it -- a strong pull tugging at his chest. Light pours from the seams of the door, and Hell whispers in his ear, taunting him to open the door. Even this is not new. Hell has been trying to get him to open doors ever since he returned. Lucifer suspects that it's trying to ease him back into his old ways and to remind him of the _good ol' days_ if what they did was considered good. Because once upon a time, he would have gladly opened the door, played with the humans, and enjoyed the screams and pleads of their tortured souls.

Hell also seemed to forget that it was precisely because of that that Lucifer decided he needed a vacation. So he would have ignored it and flew back to have another change of clothes, but something was wrong. The whispers are different, louder and more persistent, almost desperate for him to open the door.

Curiosity won his attention over. After all, what could be so interesting that Hell was almost begging him to open the door? His hand finds the door knob and he pushes it open.

Gold and white.

No, the room is covered in darkness.

But it was her. Her golden waves and her creamy pale skin. A torrent of emotions crashed right into his chest. Good ones because he misses her so much and she such a beautiful sight after seeing nothing but Hell. Then comes anger because Chloe Jane Decker definitely does not deserve to be in Hell.

Hell. She's in Hell. _Why? _She's far too good for this Dad-forsaken place.

Until he suddenly sees himself inside her Hell loop. The room comes to his attention. He, the Hell loop version of himself, is sitting right across her on the floor with only the candlelight illuminating their faces. It clicks in his head. This was their first date after she returned from Rome -- the night she tried to send him back to Hell. The revelation roots him in place, not able to tear his eyes away from the scene playing out in front of him.

He watches as her hand reaches into her pocket producing the small vial. Then she crumbles. Tears roll down her cheeks as her sobs turned into whimpers. Her other hand grabs on to the vial to stop herself from tipping the vial until it does. The dark liquid pours out and drops to his drink.

"No! No, please, I don't w-want this!," she shouts.

"Don't you?" The loop produces a version of Lucifer walking slowly towards her with the poisoned wine glass in hand and eyes flashing red in anger. "Tell me, detective. What's this!?"

She mumbles under her breath, shaking her head.

"Well then, everything is just fine, right? Nothing will happen if I drink my glass of wine?"

Her scream, her sobs, her tears shatters his heart into a million pieces. Something erupts from his chest as he steps deeper into the room, power leaving his body. The room flickers around them into darkness, but all he sees is her and her pain that he wants to take away so badly.

Then she lifts her head. The moment her eyes fall on him, she gasps and scrambles away from him. "Stop, please. I don't want to hurt you. Please!"

"No, no, Detective-," he says in a soft voice. "Chloe, it's me."

She shakes her head, more tears rolling down her cheeks. Lucifer takes a step, and she shouts, "Please! Don't come near me. I can't stop killing you. I don't want to hurt you. Lucifer, please don't do this to me."

"Chloe, I'm real. Nothing is going to happen."

She shakes her head refusing to believe him.

"Look, you're in a Hell loop. I stopped it, so it can't hurt you like this anymore. Nothing is going to happen."

But she isn't listening anymore. Chloe runs away from him, stumbling slightly until she is backed into a corner. Lucifer's heart breaks even more when he realizes she's trembling with so much fear. A sob escaped her lips that sends waves of emotions in his chest because he did this to her. He left her behind so quickly that they didn't have enough time to enjoy their newfound relationship when she said those three words -- three simple words that he never though he would ever get to hear.

"Please, no-"

Something snaps within him, and he surges forward, white wings erupting from his back. He presses her head to his chest and wraps her arm around her waist. She lets out a gasp before she starts to struggle in his embrace. Her hands pushes against his chest. Pain blossoms as her knees dig into her hips. Bloody mortality.

"No, stay away from me. Please, go away. I don't want to hurt you. I'm a m-"

His wings wrap around them, covering them in white shining feathers. He presses her closer to his body, whispering softly. "Detective.... _Chloe_, it's me. You're safe. I'm here."

He continues to whisper soft sweet things into her ear until she slowly calms down in his arms. Her body shifts under him, and he is met with her shining blue eyes.

And she just looks beautiful.

"Lucifer?"

Her voice makes his heart pound as shivers roll down his spine. Something wet rolls down his cheek as he smiles so so wide.

"_Chloe_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's going to be a little bit more Deckerstar in the next chapter. I don't know what this says about me but I really enjoyed writing Chloe's hell loop. Do you think it's pretty accurate? Tell me what you think! :)

**Author's Note:**

> If you think it's going to happen, it's really going to happen. Just with a little bit of adventure along the way :)


End file.
